Tag Archives: Health

So You Wanna Be a Photographer, Huh? Well, Prepare Yourself for the Haters.

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On the advice of someone who I respect and care about, I am going to start writing a series of blog posts from time to time entitled “So You Wanna Be a Photographer, Huh?”  The person noted that I’m going into my second year of shooting and should share what I’ve learned…the good, the bad and the ugly of my experiences, most of which have nothing to do with photography at all and everything to do with making good choices so that you can pursue your life’s dream with the level of self-awareness that is so necessary to achieve some level of success and satisfaction.

At any rate, I spent a few days reflecting on the advice I received, after which I decided that this was a good idea, and would be fun.

So here’s the deal.  I plan on writing these posts when time permits and when I’m inspired to do so.  The posts will consist of straight talk – the type of real talk that I wished that I had heard before I plunged head first into the photography abyss.  My approach to this question is designed to put a more personal spin on things that you probably won’t find on other photography blogs.  It’s the type of real talk that I hope will make you think very hard before taking the plunge as I did.  I’m going to stay away from jargon and photography-speak and try to make these posts enjoyable for photographers and non-photographers alike.

Now that I’m thinking about it, I may invite some guest bloggers to opine on this question as well….different perspectives are always nice.

So I hope that you will continue to follow along on this part of my journey.  As always, thank you and peace and blessings.

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“So you call yourself a photographer…”  She said it with a snarl so vicious that dreams I didn’t know I had almost died at that very moment.  It shocked and disappointed me, because I really looked up to this person and respected her opinion.  Luckily for me, I don’t give up that easy, and I kept pushing forward.  Lesson #1:  Everyone should not be privy to your plans and dreams.

I’ve learned very early that when you step out on faith to pursue your life’s calling, haters will come out of the cracks like disease-ridden roaches.

There are usually two kinds of haters, I’ve observed. First, there are the watchful, passive aggressive haters.  These are the kind who will stand back and watch you. They don’t say anything encouraging or constructive, but they don’t say anything overtly negative either.  Either way, you get the sense that they are standing back, waiting for you to  fail, fall on your face or otherwise embarrass yourself so they can step up and say, “See, I knew it!  You should have stuck to (fill in the blanks.)…you’re good at that.”

The other kind of hater is the spear-chucking, poor impulse control kinda hater.  He/she will come out straight, no chaser, with their venom-spewing comments and nasty remarks that offer no value to what you’re trying to do whatsoever.  You will have no doubt in your mind that he or she is not digging what you’re trying to do.  I welcome this kind of hate, because at least I know where they are coming from and I can take steps to erase them from my reality.

What do these two kinds of people have in common?  Well, more than likely, these people aren’t pursuing their life purpose (or don’t even know what they’ve been put on this earth to do, for real).  They are stuck in jobs or personal situations that are oppressive and spirit-sucking.  Because they hate where they are in life, they will find ways to try to thwart your journey.  It’s a very powerful commentary on why it’s important to conquer our fears and just step out on faith and do what we are put on this planet to do and trust that the rest will take care of itself in due time.

Bottom line:   No one likes (or really needs) haters.  I have enough going on that I have to manage.  The photography business is competitive enough and I’m always second-guessing my skills and capabilities, because, frankly, there are like 20,000,000 photographers, a lot of whom are very talented and are all looking for the same big break (or a bunch of little breaks).

Anyone who has worked as a freelancer can relate to what I’m about to say.  When you don’t have the benefit of support/encouragement/constructive criticism of a team of colleagues as you would in a more traditional work situation, it all falls on you to make things happen.  The pressure makes you hyper-critical.  I find myself constantly assessing and re-assessing my skills, my approach, my relationships, the whole shot.  It’s akin to having a whole family of haters in your head who have taken up permanent residence, constantly second-guessing you and filling your head with doubt.

The point is this:  I don’t need any help from the likes of you, dear hater.  So if you are in a hateful kind of mood and have nothing constructive to offer, please go play in traffic.  Thank you and have a nice day.

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Pardon the Cobwebs. Spring Cleaning Is Taking A Lot Longer This Year.

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I’ll make this short. I promise.

First off, to all my dear friends, family and fellow photographers, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but this is not a photography post. No, I can’t say that I have new stuff for you to check out at this present time.

I know. But before you shake your had and chalk up my lack of productivity to lack of motivation and drive, let me just say this: I am gearing up to get back on the horse, camera in hand, as early as tomorrow.

Now that I’ve gotten the pleasantries out of the way, let me take a moment to disclose this bit of information:  I’ve been sitting on this post for a while now. It’s hard for me to write when it feels like I’ve been sinking in quicksand with no life line. Working to pull myself out and dust myself off hasn’t been easy. Fortunately, despite the adversity and resultant disappointments I’ve faced over the last six months, I’ve gained a bit of clarity regarding those action steps that must be taken in order to help me fulfill what I believe to be my life’s purpose.  With that said, my life has become a lot more manageable, but as with anything that takes time to develop, to blossom and to manifest, these things take time (had plenty of that), and patience (had not a lot of this).

The biggest takeaway from all that I’ve endured?  Fear and self-doubt are the true enemies of the good.

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What Inspires Me? The Joy of Getting Out of a Creative Slump.

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Nothing encourages creativity like the chance to fall flat on one’s face.  ~James D. Finley

Hey everyone, I hope you all enjoyed the Memorial Day weekend.  It was extremely hot here in Philadelphia, which made it hard for me to get motivated.  When I get like this, I find that the best way to ease back into my groove is to spend time away from photography and blogging, with people who I care about or just spending time enjoying the world around me (without my camera in tow).  A really good towel and some cool water helps in the case of dealing with the oppressive heat as well.

So I wanted to continue my What Inspires Me series by examining the inevitable question of what happens when you just aren’t inspired enough to be creative.  Let’s be honest.  Sometimes it’s common for creative folks to run into creative slumps.  Have you had this happen to you?

When I used to write grants for a living, some days, when I was on deadline, I would sit in front of your computer screen, turn off all my distractions, close the door, pour a cold beverage, clear my calendar, crack my knuckles, all prepared to pen (or type) that next masterpiece, but nothing flowed from my fingers. My brain was not having it, and I was definitely losing.  Nothing is worse than feeling like your brain is on vacation, and nothing you do or say to yourself will jumpstart the grey matter into doing what it is you need it to do.

Sometimes the same feelings of dread and fear creep up on me even now that I’ve traded in my thinking/writing cap for my camera.  I have a fear of failing, of no one liking or appreciating my work, or worse yet, someone telling me I need to give up and find something else to do, like waiting tables or standing at the deep fryer at McDonald’s.  Perhaps I have obsessive thoughts?  Who knows.

What I do like are lists (it’s a Virgo thing), and when I came across a list of “10 Creativity Killers,” from Crit365 I read it and could totally relate to things like 1.) Self-sabotage;  2.) Excess noise (unnecessary distractions); 3.) Deadlines and pressure; 4.) Burning out; 5.) Multitasking and lack of focus; 6.) Dried up knowledge; 7.) Procrastination;  8.) Thinking about (and obsessing over) the competition; 9.) Listening to miserable people; and, 10.) Financial insecurity.

Go check out the post in its entirety; it’s really good and offers some great, common-sense solutions to obliterate (or at least mitigate) the effects of these “creativity killers.”  These, and many others, can push you over the edge where you will find yourself in a full-blown creative slump.

As I was reflecting on the list and my own experience, I came to the conclusion that there were a couple more creativity killers that needed to be added, particularly from a photography standpoint, along with ways I’ve learned how to work through them.  Tell me what you think about these:

The Weather.

“Bad weather always looks worse through a window.”  ~Author Unknown

There is nothing worse than waking up on a day where I’m really excited about going out and shooting and I hear the weather forecast and/or look out the window…. some days it makes me want to crawl back into bed and try again the next day.  Excessive heat, whiplash-inducing winds, rain that precedes flood-level events, 3-4 feet of snow and extreme cold, all of these things can put a damper on my motivation to go out and shoot.  But I realize that the weather shouldn’t hold me back, and I don’t like the idea of being a wuss, so I out on my big girl panties, lace up my boots, zip up my parka or lather on my sunscreen or whatever, and get out there and do what I have to do anyway.  And after a while, the weather becomes a non-factor, especially when I find that zone of zen-like calm, and the shots come to me like milkshakes drawing boys to the yard.  Besides, I don’t have control over the weather anyway.  Perhaps I was one of those National Geographic photographers in a past life,  I don’t know.  What makes it all worthwhile is going out in 100-degree heat (or extreme cold or whatever) and getting good images and overcoming the overwhelming need to make excuses about things I can’t control.

 

Not That Tired (loynon07) Tags: notes quotes tired emotionsLack of Sleep and Other Health Challenges.  There’s a myth going around that highly creative people are like Energizer Bunnies and can produce quality work on demand.  We can burn the candle at both ends, on little sleep, no exercise and a diet of candy bars, Red Bull and cigarettes.  What a bunch of crock.  Insomnia, poor eating habits and a lack of exercise are creative killers that will sap the life force from your brain and your spirit.  The solution:  Make it a point to get a good night’s sleep (every night); make sure to eat better and drink water, and try to get at least 30 minutes of exercise at least 3 days a week, if it’s nothing more than walking at a brisk pace.  Not only will you begin to feel better and have more stamina, but your brain will thank you in the form of generating new ideas for how to take whatever you do to a new level.  I struggle with insomnia from time to time, but since I began taking charge of my physical well-being I’m pleased to report that my bouts of insomnia have plummeted, and my stamina has improved tremendously to the point where I can walk around for 8-10 hours on days when I go out shooting.  My joints don’t ache and all of my senses are on full power, which is important for creative expression. I can’t stress the importance of taking care of your health enough.

Camera Envy.  Ken Rockwell said, “Your equipment DOES NOT affect the quality of your image. The less time and effort you spend worrying about your equipment the more time and effort you can spend creating great images. The right equipment just makes it easier, faster or more convenient for you to get the results you need.”  Your Camera Does Not Matter, 2005

 

This is in a way, related to the creativity killer of “thinking about the competition,” but for me, it goes deeper than that.  I bought my first DSLR camera last year thinking I was the ish, and I quickly found out that my little camera wasn’t much compared to the higher end prosumer models (and let’s not even talk about the models the pros use).  And let’s not even go into discussing lenses and the other requisite bells and whistles that a lot of photogs like to brag about in different corners of the Internet.  When I slip into camera envy mode, I have to remind myself that my camera situation is not that bad, and I should really appreciate what I have.  One of my sisters in photography wrote a really good post that speaks to this very issue.  

So, in the face of occasional bouts of camera envy, I have learned, with a little self-love talk and listening to people I trust, that it’s not about the camera I use, it’s really about my ability to see the world in ways that other people can’t.  Furthermore, it’s about appreciating my talents and recognizing that I’m very blessed to have a chance to do what I love.  Many people just don’t have that opportunity.

Nothing is worse that facing down a “creativity killer” and losing to the point where you find yourself in a deep creative slump.  Sometimes the loss is temporary and steps can be taken to turn a loss into a win with a little work and encouragement.  Slumps do come to an end you know.

There is no greater feeling than staring a creativity killer in the face and telling it that, although it may bend us, take us out the game for a moment, it will never break us down to the point where we lose all desire to be in the game at all.  The bottom line is that if we really love our creative selves, we will find inspiration in the most unlikely of places to overcome any creative killer sent to destroy our spirit.

Keep being inspired, and if you’re so inclined, leave me a comment or a private message on your strategies for overcoming creative slumps.

Let’s Connect!!!  Facebook | Twitter | Flickr  | Tumblr

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The Way I See It Today: My dreams – and my life – won’t let me off the hook.

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Taken July 24, 2010 in Jersey City, NJ. Quote created December 10, 2010.

This past summer I’ve been blogging from time to time about my battle with insomnia. Check out my posts here, here and here.  As a veteran/expert insomniac, I can say with the highest level of confidence, that it’s nice to get a break from restless, sleepless nights, and the more I think about it, I’m starting to feel like Daylight Savings Time is the culprit. There are other things, like stress, which obviously affects quality of sleep, but stress never goes away.  Daylight Savings Time does, and when it did, I felt myself sliding back into a more natural rhythm.  At any rate, as I ease into another winter and daily cups of hot chocolate with milk, I’m happy to report that I’ve gotten my sleeping groove back – for the most part.  Some nights, I’m can manage 7-8 hours of sleep; other nights can be a bit more of a challenge finding that sweet spot, where I sleep all the way through until the next morning.

Thank goodness for music - the jazz station I listen to is my faithful companion who never complains about my snoring, always plays the right songs, and doesn’t fight with me for the covers.  The downside to all of this blissful sleep is simple: Recurring dreams. Dreams of planes crashing and bridges collapsing, old toothless men chasing me, me climbing endless flights of stairs only to slide back down to the bottom, you name it, I’ve dreamt it.

I take it to mean that my subconscious mind is gently reminding me that I have lots of unfinished business and that I need to get on with it.  Time to come out of my self-imposed exile and resolve the turmoil that churns inside me. I get it, I got it, and I’m gonna go get it….whatever ‘it” is.  In the meantime, here’s to hot chocolate, made with milk, and topped with whipped cream.

The Way I See It Today: Sleeping In Is Never Overrated.

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Me Myself and I (De La Soul song)

Image via Wikipedia

I usually never write a post on Saturdays, because I’m usually out and about, ripping and running, going absolutely nowhere. 

But today, since I’m here at home, enveloped by the peace and quiet (something I haven’t had in years…it’s just me myself and I, as De La Soul said) that comes with being all alone, I thought I’d post something short and sweet, an ode to sleep, if I may.

I have been engaged in what experts call restorative sleep since last night.  And boy, do I feel great!   My body, mind and spirit seem to be grateful for the respite.

Most of you know that I’ve been doing battle with insomnia for years now, and the battle’s intensified as of late.  I have a lot of things on my mind, and I feel sometimes like my hands are tied.  I know that there are a lot of things going on behind the scenes that I have no control of, and usually I worry about the outcome of those things.  But lately, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s no good to worry about things I can’t control. 

Life is what it is.

At any rate, when I can catch up on uninterrupted sleep, it’s a win for me and for you, too.  I hope to take my blogging and photography up a notch in the coming weeks, and I appreciate you all who have come along for the ride.  Your support means the world to me.

Question:  When you had a chance to catch up on your sleep after going through a phase where you can’t seem to really get some quality zzzzz’s, how did you feel afterwards? 

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The Way I See It Today: This is Me. Take It or Leave It.

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Taken 10-22-2010 in Jersey City, NJ

I started my own loc journey 8 years ago this month.  I cut off my relaxed (and badly damaged and stressed out)  hair, wore a short Afro and then took the plunge, never looking back, and never regretting my decision to stop relaxing my hair.  They’ve been much longer, but right now, I’m wearing them red and short, after cutting them for the last time last month.  My locs have become a part of me in a way that is hard to explain, but when I’m stressed out by negative energy, my locs will tell me in their own special way to make some changes, quick fast and in a hurry.  And once I make the necessary spiritual and mental adjustments, my locs course-correct on their own.

Anyway, to commemorate the 8 years of wearing my hair this way, I’m reading a book entitled Dreads by Francesco Mastalia and Alfonse Pagano.  Author Alice Walker wrote the introduction.  The book takes the reader on a journey around the world, from New York to Jamaica to New Zealand and India, of what it means to loc one’s hair.

Throughout history, hair has always been a battleground, where the cultural met (and clashed with) the spiritual and the spiritual met (and fought with) the political.   For for all who wear locs (and those who love us), our hair represents freedom and independence from what Westerners have socialized us to believe, that hair (particularly kinky hair, regardless of race or ethnicity), symbolic of the wearer’s indomitable will and fiery spirit, should be tamed, subjugated, conquered and made to submit. 

And submit we did, especially if you wished to reap the rewards that Western society choses to bestow on those who conform.  But is it really worth it?  Check out this NY Times article if you dare.

At any rate, here are some quotes from people profiled in the book that really inspired me to finish retouching my self-portrait:

“Our hair is symbolic of our status as servants.” (Mamadou Diof Ndiange, Baye Fall Elder, Senegal)

“…Locks connect me to the land of wood and water…” (Peter Wayne Lewis, painter, NYC)

“Father created the man:  Man created the comb.” (Jimmy McGhan, Rasta, Jamaica)

“Dreads reaffirm my status as a chosen one, a child of Africa.” (Pierre Thiam, chef, Senegal)

“My dreads cannot be ignored, my message cannot be ignored.” (Chinna Smith, musician, Jamaica)

 ”You don’t have to have straight hair to be beautiful.” (Cheryl Brown, model, NYC)

“Society is not geared toward giving us confidence.” (Maxine Walters, film producer, Jamaica)

“I wear Ndiagne, ‘strong hair.’” (Amadou, Baye Fall, Senegal)

“I had two choices:  Go bald or grow locks.” (Hilda Thompson, market researcher, NYC)

“I believe in the rules of decorum, so, what the hell, I’ll put on a suit if the occasion calls for it.  If they say you have to wear a tie to get into their restaurant, fine.  But if they say you have to cut your hair to do business with them, not so fine.” (Nile Rodgers, music producer, NYC)

“Many Jamaicans were imprisoned simply because they wore dreads.  Not everyone who has dreads today realizes the political history attached to them.” (“Junior” Marvin, musician, Jamaica)

“Dreads were a way of embracing the evolving idea of myself.” (Vernon Reid, musician, NYC)

And yes, we do wash our hair.  :-)

Peace and blessings.

The Way I See It Today: Black Girl Pain is Nobody’s Gain.

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Earlier this week,  I was sitting in the library thinking about my own girls and watching some of the neighborhood kids study by themselves and with each other. 

As the afternoon wore on, I decided to pull out my camera because I was intrigued by a young girl with braids.  You may say, so what, she had braids.  Well, those of you who know me, really know me, that I really study people and will hone in on one or two things that make that person stand out.  Well, with this young lady, she had purple hair woven throughout her braids.  And I thought about my own 13-year-old daughter, who probably would have done the same thing, as she loves and adores anything purple.

As I aimed my camera at her, I took a few shots, without her noticing.

Finally, I aimed again, and she looked directly at me.  I looked back.

I wasn’t sure what she was going to say or do, so I smiled. 

She smiled back.  She had a toothy smile, kind of awkward, typical of a young girl not quite sure of her own power, not comfortable in her own skin, not fully aware of her own self-image. 

I was glad, however, to see that there was still some innocence there.  It warmed my heart because I know that sometimes little girl innocence can sometimes be taken away quicker than a New York minute, by no fault of their own.

I found out later she was 12 years old.  I didn’t find out her name, though. She told me that she had to work on a project and that she needed to concentrate on what she was doing. 

I got up and walked over to her, and offered to show her the image.  As she looked at the live view screen, two other girls at the table jumped out of their seats and asked if I could take their pictures.  They clamored and bounced around and spoke with such urgency that it was clear to the library staff that we were disturbing the other patrons.

Well, to be honest with you, I really wanted to take pictures of some of the kids in the neighborhood, but as many people know, you have to be really careful because people are really sensitive about their kids. I don’t blame parents for being over-protective.

I asked them to come back to my table.  I took some shots, including this picture of a 9-year-old girl who clearly has artistic talent. 

She let me see her drawings in her spiral-bound notebook.  She talked about how she loves to draw and how she can’t wait to be 10 in January.  She asked if she could see my camera and take some pictures. 

I told her yes.  I showed her how to hold the camera, and noticed that her little fingers were struggling to reach around the base like I can do so easily with my grown woman fingers.  I was nervous, but you know what, I said, eff it. 

I said yes, because I didn’t know how many times this little girl has heard no in her life. 

No, not now.  No, we can’t.  No, we don’t. 

No is a painful word, especially if it isn’t balanced with a few strategically placed yeses from time to time.

She zoomed in, like a pro and pressed the shutter button.

She shot this picture of her 10-year-old friend.  When I looked at it in the live view screen, I said, you have so much talent.  Wow.

After the mini-photo shoot, they sat at my table, chatting and laughing and attempting to finish their homework.  They talked about their mothers, their dreams and aspirations, what they had in common, their likes and dislikes, and all the things that little girls talk about before boys enter the picture, sometimes shattering it. 

It still manages to amaze me that faces like theirs can provoke so many feelings across the spectrum both inside our community and in the mainstream.  Feelings of hate, misunderstanding, loathing, disdain, and dismissal, like these little girls aren’t worth our effort. 

Some may disagree and say that kids in our neighborhoods are not our problem and that their parents should do their jobs.  As a parent, I don’t disagree with this notion. 

However, I say this:  if you have a talent and you come across a young person who can benefit from you sharing your gift (yes, your gifts.  A higher power saw fit to bestow you with your gifts and talents and that same power can see fit to take them away if you’re not careful), what will it hurt to reach out and take a moment to connect with a child?

I’m not saying that you have to be that child’s parent.  But damn, I can point to several people in my life who took a moment to give a damn about me.  They weren’t my parents.  But they cared anyway.  I shudder to think about how my life would have turned out if they didn’t give a damn about me.

Sometimes it can just be an encouraging word, a smile, a conversation that might make the difference in a child’s life.

I may never see these girls again.  But I promised them that I would put their pictures up on my blog.  And I try to keep my promises. 

Who knows how many promises weren’t kept in these girls’ lives?

I don’t.  But I will damn sure keep mine. 

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The Way I See It: Inner Circle Violators WILL Be Prosecuted

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I love my friends and family, and once I’ve let you inside my inner circle, I consider you to be pretty special.

Those of you who know me know that when I’m wrong, I’ll apologize and do whatever it takes to try to smooth a situation over with you, because I see our relationship as being that important to me.

But I’m also known for severing ties with people I care about completely, with no advance warning or explanation.  It may seem sudden to the person being downsized, but I will admit that prior to coming to my decision to delist or defriend you, I’ve watched your behavior for months, maybe years, and have reached a point of no return.  I’ve become so disgusted, so disillusioned, so damn tired of you and what you represent I just can’t take it , or you, anymore. 

Don’t take it personal.  Why?  Because the way I see it, you didn’t take it personal when you thought you could be disrespectful, unreasonable and completely assholish in your mannerisms, speech and general presentation. 

Payback is a bitch.  And I have no problem unloading risky liabilities.  Apparently, some people see it as a one-way street though. They think that can dump heaps of burning coals on your head, out of some distorted sense of self-importance and twisted narcissism, and that you will gladly take their shit.

Au contraire, mon Frere.  I don’t like the smell of burning flesh.  Especially when it’s my own, or other people who don’t have the means to defend themselves. 

And for those of you who want to admonish me to forgive and forget, save your breath.  I’m 38 years old, and understand that it’s good to forgive, and dumb to forget.  To forget repeated wrongs is akin to being a glutton for endless punishment. 

And when it comes down to saving you, and saving myself, well, let’s just say that I’ve changed a bit, and have learned that sometimes it’s best to jump a sinking ship and take the life jacket with me. 

So, let me illustrate my point with a real-world example.

Yesterday, I received a happy belated birthday text from someone who happens to share the same DNA as me.  Our relationship has been a case study on what happens when people with the same genetic material just don’t get along.  Let’s just say that our relationship is strained.  And I’ll leave it at that.

Anyway, she sends this text…which would have been nice if she had just left it at that.  But she had to throw in some extra shit that pushed me over the edge. 

I sent her a one word reply:  “Whatever.”

And then I thought about it (like I always say, when I start thinking, things get dangerous)….and I sent her a second, more colorful text.  Why?  Because I just got fed up with taking her shit year after freakin year. Don’t tell me about disrespect when I look up the word in the dictionary and see your face next to the definition.

And her reply?  “You’ve changed!”

No, silly, you haven’t.  And that’s sad.  You failed to see that your maltreatment of pretty much everyone around you has pissed me off to the highest level of pissivity, that I was waiting for the opportunity to tell you the truth about yourself. 

In other words, you suck, and you’ve sucked for a long time. Yep, and I’m using this opportunity (that you created, nonetheless) to put you in check. 

There’s going to be a lot more of this before it’s all said and done. I got Saturn moving through my 4th house and I’m eliminating any and everything  that isn’t working for me.  Including people who share my DNA who work my last good nerve. No one is exempt anymore.

So search your hearts, and ask yourself…”before I say this to her, or around her, do I run the risk of getting told about myself?” If the answer is yes, don’t say it. Don’t text it.  Don’t let me hear about it.  You’ve been warned.

She’s lucky she wasn’t in my face, because she might have gotten a high-five to her face.

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What’s Your Relationship Salt and Pepper?

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So I had an enlightening conversation with an acquaintance who lives in St. Louis.  For me, one of the key takeaways from our conversation was this: Relationships of all kinds, including  intimate relationships, are not doing very well under the stress and the strain of this economic downturn (and that’s putting it mildly).
 
I’ll keep this short, because, one, all the stuff I was going to write, y’all have heard it all before in 50 million ways and don’t need another sermon or  long and drawn out blog post to read.  So I scrapped most of what I was going to write. 
 
I’ll focus on this point, though. Sometimes,when people are stressed and worried, and feeling lousy, it’s the little things that mean the most.  The little things are like salt and pepper.  We don’t miss it or pay any attention to those little shakers on the table until we really need it for that extra little dash of flavor or spice to make the food taste better.  And when we run out, look out.

   

(c) 2010 Mom of Three Photography, all rights reserved

 

So before I hung up the phone with my friend, “I’ve decided to celebrate life.”  That was inspiring for me, and certainly something I could relate to. And then it occurred to me that this affirmation was her salt and pepper.  She needed to focus on the positive to better digest all the negativity going on around her.     I appreciated those words from my friend, and that’s exactly what I plan to do, while I work on trying  to figure out exactly what my salt and pepper is.   

So:  Are you in an intimate relationship?  Has it been adversely affected by the economic downturn?   If you’re not in a relationship, how are things with friends and family?  Are you helping to support a friend or family member who has fallen on hard times? Are you that person being supported?  Do you think the relationship will survive? Why or why not?  How are you celebrating life despite the hard times?  

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Parents. They’re Still Wonderful Guides and Teachers, Even When They Don’t Realize That They’re Guiding and Teaching.

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As most of you know, today is my birthday.  But what many of you may not know is that today is also my mother‘s birthday. Yep, I was born on her 22nd birthday. From what I’m told, I kinda made my appearance when she least expected it.  Yeah, that sounds like something I would do.

;-) I’m slick like dat…I’m cool like dat.

But that’s not the reason I’m writing this post tonight. 

I talked to my mother on the telephone earlier this evening to wish her a happy birthday.  Actually I was returning her call to me this morning. I was finishing up my bath when her call came through.  When I told her this, she said that she had just finished her bath when she decided to call me. 

Wow. 

Furthermore, she mentioned that she’s still having problems with swelling and pain in her left knee and may be having knee surgery next month.  Now, before you ask, why is this important, fearless blogger…I’m going to get to that in a moment.

She said something very profound to me that made me thank the good Lord that she was my mother.  She said that she realized that her knee wasn’t going to get any better, that it wasn’t temporary and that she’s willing to seek proper medical attention.   Now, here’s a couple of reasons why this was so striking to me.  I, too, have knee problems…particularly in my left knee. Last August, I went under the knife to repair a pretty bad meniscal tear.   The surgeon told me after the procedure was completed, that I have significant arthritis in this knee and that I would continue to have some pain.  But the pain from the tear has since lessened to the point where I can move around pretty well, so at least the procedure was a success.  But I don’t think I could have waited 20+ years to have this issue addressed.   So in addition to the non-coincidence that we both have problems with our left knee, it reinforced a powerful point:  that sometimes waiting may not give us the payoff that we expected. 

So as GenXers, our parents are good examples of what we should be doing to take care of our health.   One, it’ s important to go to the doctor for annual checkups.  Don’t put them off.  Two, it’s vitally important to know as much about your family health history as you can. That way you may be able to stave off illnesses through preventative health care from a primary care physician.

And three, it’s a blessing to listen to your parents laugh, truly laugh and enjoy themselves.  It’s a reminder to not take myself so damn seriously. To crack up a bottle of wine and enjoy some jazz.  To talk on the telephone with a cherished friend.  To turn the lights down low and just enjoy the darkness.  To make plans to spend the holidays with family.

 I don’t really know how my mother really felt about being pregnant with me and then delivering me on her birthday, but I do know that she’s one of my birthday presents too.   And this, my friends, is as good as it gets. 

So, in what kinds of ways have your parents made an impact on you recently?  If they are deceased, what are the key life lessons they taught you, inadvertently or otherwise, that you carry with you to this day?  Speak your piece.